She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the "T" shirt that she normally slept in. As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."  His eyes lit up and he thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her "T" shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken.

0000000

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.""Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend."
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?""A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.""Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.""Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
"A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him."

"In dog years, I'm dead."
"A dog is not 'almost human,' and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.""Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.""He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

The reason a dog has so many friends is that
 he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
 Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as
 conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
 Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I
 die I want to go where they went.
 Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a
 puppy licking your face.
 Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves
 you more than he loves himself.
 Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the
average person.
Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can
spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs
give us their all. It's the best deal man has
ever made.
M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,
quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure
love and always have to mix love and hate.
Sigmund Freud

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to
turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they
keep abreast of current events. The ground is a
giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of
late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are
especially urgent, are often continued in the
next yard.
Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes
like never washed a dog.
Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain
dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few
persons.
James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough
exercise.
Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up
to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here
we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing
haul - chicken, pork, half a cow.
They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Heinlein

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
Dave Miliman

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you; that is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never
would've thought of that!'
Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make
our lives whole.
Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits
in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person
my dog already thinks I am.

DOG RULES

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Life Lessons Learned from a Dog

                  If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.

                  Don't go out without ID.

                  Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.

                  Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

                  Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

                  Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.

                  When you do something wrong, always take responsibility
(as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).

                  If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

The Top Ten Reasons Why a Dog Is Better than a Woman.

                  10. A dog's parents will never visit you.

                  9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.

                  8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

                  7. A dog never expects you to telephone.

                  6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

                  5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.

                  4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.

                  3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.

                  2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.

                   ...And the number one reason why a dog is better than a woman:

                 

                  1. A dog does not shop.

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Than Men

                  Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

                  Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.

                  Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

                  Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

                  You can house train a dog.

                  Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.

                  Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

                  Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

                  Dogs don't care whether or not you shave your legs.

Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.