An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe pits, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was  built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping  in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond in your birthday suits.       "I only came to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill.

About last night... 

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.  You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you started to bite my body without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last nights events. My body still shows your marks, making it harder to forget you. 

Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... 

v

v

v

v

v

you damn  mosquito.

Euro-English.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the First year, "s" will replace the soft "c".  Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k".  This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less  letter.

In the Sekond year there will be growing publik enthusiasm, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the " f ".  This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the Third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a  deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of  the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should be dropd.

By the Fourth year, people will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".  During ze fift year, ze unesesary "0" kan  be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After ze fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sesibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

             ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!! UND ZEN VE VIL TAKE OVER ZE VORLD!!!