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quinta-feira, 24 de fevereiro de 2011

Puppies For Sale .........






A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.

As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.

"Mister", he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well", said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look."

"Sure", said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle, Here, Dolly! he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

"I want that one", the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
Are you there for them? 













quarta-feira, 23 de fevereiro de 2011

Have a seat..... relax....





A Birth Certificate shows that we were born 
A Death Certificate shows that we died
 
Pictures show that we live!
 
Have a seat.  
Relax . . . 
click on albuns then pick the set you want to see [first]






sábado, 19 de fevereiro de 2011

Please don't mix these up ................





Dear God,

 
my prayer for 2011 is for a
fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up
like you did last year.
AMEN!!!






terça-feira, 15 de fevereiro de 2011

a true friend............

1 When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
 
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
 
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
 
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
 
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
 
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
 
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.   I don't want to catch whatever you have.
 
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
 
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end.  "Why?" you may ask?   Because you are my friend .
 

Friendship is like peeing your pants:
everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.





George Carlin's View on Aging






Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like
to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old,
you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
 "How old are you?" "I'm fourand a half!" You're never
thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.
 You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You
jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
 "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but
hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your  life ..

 You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . .
 YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
 But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you
sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
 You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa!
Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you
REACH 50  And your dreams are gone.
 But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
 So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
 You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that
it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
 You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you
HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't
end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
 Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you
 become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
 May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
 HOW TO STAY YOUNG
 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight
and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!"
 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind
is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
 4. Enjoy the simple things.
 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only
person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be
ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family,
pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home
is your refuge.
 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is
unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve,  get help.
 9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to
the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
 AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but
by the moments that take our breath away.
 And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares?
 But do share this with someone.
 We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Have a wonderful day!!!!!!!
 
 
 
 
 

quinta-feira, 10 de fevereiro de 2011

THE DOT ................





 The Dot l 
FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice.

You have to watch this video ....

segunda-feira, 7 de fevereiro de 2011

M A Y ..............




May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;
 
            
 May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.








sábado, 5 de fevereiro de 2011

Cowboy rules for ...........




Cowboy rules for Arizona, California, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, Wyoming and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.


Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.  

They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.


So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.


If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!

And there is more............

The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.
Mr Obama wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants! That would be 15 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders.... When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan. Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan, and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.....



quinta-feira, 3 de fevereiro de 2011

Socrates .......

 
 
 
 
 
 
In ancient Greece (469-399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. 
 
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?" 
 "Wait a moment," Socrates replied,
"Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.
It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance. 

"That's right," Socrates continued,
"Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth.
Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" 

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it." 

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness.
Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?" 

"No, on the contrary..." 

"So," Socrates continued,
"You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?" 

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?" 

"No, not really." 

"Well," concluded Socrates,
"If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?" 
The man was bewildered and ashamed.
 
This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.
 
 
 
 
 
 

terça-feira, 1 de fevereiro de 2011

24 Things To Always Remember............


 


Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You will make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Do not put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Do not take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life’s treasures are people together.

Realize that it is never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have hearth and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a start.